Written by: Jon Pedrosa, Clinical Psychologist

Perhaps this post can ruffle some feathers and perhaps entertain a different way of thinking, perhaps more flexible thinking 🪶

I often see “self-love” on social media, but often also question what this really means… most times, this very misunderstood concept, has come to mean love yourself to the point of an inability to love others, and indulge in the concept (cognitive process more than an affective one) and own it as a “positive-mindset”, whilst cutting people out and adopting a hard, cold, “I don’t need or want anyone, or care about anyone” stance (we require attachment from birth for survival, and like to pretend we live in isolation – we don’t)

How does one even love themselves and to what point, since we all human and have both “bad” parts and “good” parts that are intertwined inevitably as part of the fundamental human condition.
We often confuse self-love as meaning a secure attachment style.

If I were asked to rate my self-love out of 10 and I said 10, I’d probably portray a profile of being self-absorbed and characterised as having a narcissistic structure. And if I rated it at 1 or 2 or so, I’d probably have a low self-worth and anxious attachment style. If I said 5, I’d probably be indecisive and unsure and seem to have some sort of disorganized style characterised by ambivalence.

Perhaps we can entertain the idea that maybe love isn’t meant for the self but rather to be directed to others (given) and vice versa (received).

Perhaps self-acceptance means incorporating that which is the “bad” parts and “good” parts of ourselves, like a puzzle, and accepting these as part of the entire fundemental human condition to form and make the whole sense of self.

Perhaps try striving for self-acceptance and see what happens and if it works for you. Love is only real when shared 🤍